Your Needs, His Desire for Sex, and A Win-Win Solution

The XY Code

On Monday, I said:

It might be good to tell him that all work and no play is bad for your marriage in general, and your sex life in particular.

It’s not the first time I’ve suggested you might nudge him to act by suggesting that doing so would make sex better or more frequent. When I do this, I am not suggesting you buy his compliance with sex!

If your hubby wants more sex, he probably wants that a great deal. If you tell him something interferes with you wanting or enjoying sex, he should be all about making the necessary change. That could mean him doing something, or not doing something. It might be a schedule change or dealing with the kids. It could be about you needing more non-sexual time with him, or needing half an hour to yourself before bed.

If him giving you what you need results in more of something he needs, it’s a win-win. This is communication, not manipulation. When you communicate your need, be clear what will happen if things change. And of course, don’t say it if you’re not going to be able to follow up.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and it’s good to communicate!

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