Compromise

The Ten Thousand Things

We ask if we are willing to compromise to be in a long-term monogamous relationship?

Sam discusses how to, whether we need to and to what extent we need to compromise.

Ali shares how a lot of women have fallen in love with the idea of being single.

We acknowledge all relationships require compromise however can we compromise our values? Can your values be flexible or do we become stuck in our ways the longer we remain single?

We also discuss in distorted times do distorted dynamics come in to play, is finding a sugar daddy/mamma the answer to living under capitalism?

Joe thinks we would be better off dropping some the mental load, but it is that possible for women when the expectation is that women need to manage that?

• (00:00) - Theme
• (00:22) - Introduction
• (00:28) - Are we willing to compromise to be in a monogamous relationship?
• (01:37) - Compromise is unavoidable in life
• (02:38) - Values can't be traded away, but maybe stubborness and neurosis should be
• (03:55) - What about 'seeking arrangement' situations?
• (04:42) - The problem is really capitalism?
• (05:43) - A lot of couples used to have separate places
• (06:54) - I'm getting stuck in my ways
• (07:17) - I wanna be able to watch test cricket for seven hours
• (07:36) - Building a real structure, billionaires is just a distraction
• (08:56) - No time time left over from wage labor, to work on relationship challenges
• (11:30) - None of this is new?
• (11:48) - But the balance of domestic labor hasn't shifted that much
• (13:44) - You don't meet the ones who are domesticated cos they are too busy being marrie
• (15:00) - Whose job is it to read the school emails and deal with that?
• (18:12) - Couples work better when they play to their individual strengths, but don't assume women are better at organising things
• (19:10) - Maybe there is an outdated assumption about living together, kids aside
• (21:37) - Would I be happier if I couldn't be a slob?
• (22:38) - Another win for cat dads
• (24:01) - The ironing piles up
• (24:30) - Respect
• (25:58) - Why is it my job? I'm not actually good at cooking
• (27:40) - I release you from the need to give a fuck about that
• (28:16) - Carefully working through your expectations
• (31:30) - Compromises for fertility reasons
• (33:00) - "look at that c***, he never does the dishes"
• (33:43) - "Where's my compliments?"
• (34:16) - Why not give a compliment regularly?
• (36:01) - What are the benefits of a live in man?
• (38:08) - It just seems hard work to shack up
• (38:56) - From wildly scattered to structured
• (39:36) - Freedom is living by self-imposed rules
• (42:33) - Be protective of your peace
• (43:26) - Thinking about the kids when making partnering choices
• (46:48) - F*** it, I'll just go cat lady
• (47:36) - You're at peace with cat lady, but I don't want to be alone
• (50:03) - Men need this more than women, once we're on the second half of life
• (52:09) - The advantages of a cricket watching partner
• (53:09) - "This is unacceptable to me"

Creators & Guests

• Sam Ellis - Host
• Ali Catramados - Host
• Joe Loh - Host

Episode image by listener Craig, catch more of his great stuff on the gram

We appreciate your feedback. If you would like to reach out you can find us on threads and instagram @thetenthousandthings

Toasted sandwhich recipes:
Ali's: Put mayo on the outside, cheese and kimchi in the middle, cook in the pan
Sam's: Butter and oil in the pan*, low-medium heat, heavy base if you have it
Cheese - a mix of whatever, slices of mozarella, swiss, colby, cheer, whatever
Tomato paste, toss on some dried italian herb mix, fresh tomato (mandatory cheese above and below)
*(can butter the outside of the bread and just put it straight on the pan)