You Will Never Be Perfect (And That’s Okay) with Rebecca Ann

Becoming Unapologetically Me

Becoming Unapologetically Me is the podcast for people who know that they have more inside them and want it to come out. In this episode, host Helen Norbury is joined by coach and former perfectionist Rebecca Ann. Rebecca has struggled with perfectionism and burnout throughout her corporate career. Every day was an endless cycle of trying to fill an internal void with external things - financial rewards, accolades, and professional respect. Grief from her father’s death became a catalyst for change in her life. Rebecca shares how she broke through the shackles of perfectionism. She talks about getting to the heart of it, the different ways it can show up in your life, and how she helps her clients recover.

Prior to her father’s passing, Rebecca was a paragon of achievement. She had all the external markers of success including an enviable career and financial security. Yet she felt hollow on the inside. She kept wondering, “When am I going to feel successful? When am I going to feel happy?” Rebecca rationalized that satisfaction and happiness would come when she hit the next level, but after each accomplishment she still felt empty. “When we’re looking externally, there’s never enough to fill that void inside us,” Helen explains. “The hole is insatiable,” Rebecca agrees, “it never shrinks, it grows.” Not only did she feel trapped, but she was also burdened by the guilt of feeling unhappy with her life, and so began a vicious cycle.

Rebecca was unconsciously seeking for external guidance, and a situation occurred at work where she had a choice to take a settlement, which she did. Now out on her own, she felt as if this was the evidence that proved she was an imposter, unworthy of the success people thought she had, and that everyone now knew the truth that she wasn’t good enough. Losing the identities and external factors that fed into her perfectionism spurred Rebecca on even more. It all came to a head when her father got ill, and subsequently passed away. The loss put things into perspective and triggered her personal development journey.

Rebecca’s perfectionism stemmed from a fundamental belief that she could only be worthy of love if she was perfect. Acknowledging that was a challenge, but it was the first step in her road to recovery. “I cannot describe how peaceful it is without that constant narrative [and] inner critic [ruling] your life,” she admits. She advises listeners who’ve started noticing perfectionist traits in themselves to have self-compassion. “So much about being a perfectionist is making yourself wrong and holding yourself to an unrealistic standard… if you [don’t] give yourself space, you’re adding [another] layer.”

Key Takeaways

• External things don’t fill internal holes - the key to happiness is found within.
• Grief often acts as a catalyst for change and an opportunity for reflection.
• Treat yourself with compassion when acknowledging your perfectionism - you can’t be perfect!

Resources

Stop The Perfectionist Procrastination

Helen Norbury on Instagram | LinkedIn | Facebook | helenannenorbury.co.uk