Episode 56 -Putting Oneself Under The Microscope: A Conflict Resolution Tip

The Hopeful Humanist Cafe

Welcome to episode 56! Before making our way to constructing for ourselves a list of action steps to resolve conflict in a future episode, in this episode, I will provide a definition of conflict, make brief mention of Kilmann's conflict resolution styles, and share a tip about what a person can do when going to the "balcony" (William Ury) to get some perspective about the terrain of the conflict before us. At first suggestion, it might sound radical and accusatory, but that is not the intent. It is an opportunity for reflection and it provides us a chance to discover something about our interests and values as we look at our choices which have a revelatory nature about them.

Quote (Orienting quote undiscussed in the episode):

1) A thought by Gordon Livingston, M.D. about addressing conflict from his book, "Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart:" "Often I ask people in conflict to withhold criticism of those around them to see if this changes the atmosphere. It is amazing how radical this suggestion seems to many people. The thought seems to be, 'If I give up criticizing and directing those around me, chaos will ensue. Chores will not be done, dishes will pile up, rooms will not be cleaned, though house will fall down, homework will be ignored, school failure will ensue, followed by drug abuse, pregnancy, and a life of crime. I can't let that happens!' This is called 'awfulizing' (a.k.a. catastrophizing), the idea that any relaxation in standards or vigilance is the first step toward failure, degradation, and the collapse of civilization as we know it." Gordon goes on to say, we help people more by example than by anything we say, especially by demonstrating "in our own lives qualities of commitment, determination and optimism." I think one benefit of putting oneself under the microscope would be the awareness of our tendency to criticize. Remember, criticizing is a discussion stopper.

Resources:

1) Go to the source for the definition of "conflict" that I have adopted for this discussion about how to resolve conflict. According to this source, "Conflict exists when one person has a need from another person and that is not being met." Click here to watch a video called, "Conflict Resolution" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY5TWVz5ZDU&t=114s

2) The five conflict resolution positions presented by Thomas Kilmann include the collaborative, competing, avoiding, accommodating, and compromising styles. This video provides a very brief account of Kilmann's theory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFIydyH2H8Y

3) In an effort to get prepared for our eventual discussion on taking some strategies for conflict resolution and making them our own, I thought I would provide this short video. Any ideas worth incorporating into a framework that will work for you?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyXFirOUeUk

4) One last video for good luck: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EABFilCZJy8

Thank-you for giving me an ear as I share some things that I found interesting regarding the topic of conflict and believe could be helpful for one to put in one's spiritual toolbox. Peace, take care, be well, and share.