Inspire Your Kids To Cooperate

Vintage Homeschool Moms

What is a “buy-in mentality? How do you inspire your kids to cooperate with your family values, do their school work, and strive for excellence? In this podcast, we’ll discuss the idea of “buy-in” and how important it is to work together as a family.

Inspire Your Kids To Cooperate ~ Episode 535

What is a “buy-in,” and how do you incorporate this idea into your family? It’s really simple. It’s the idea of the importance of being part of a family and basically cooperating with the family ideals. How do you “inspire” your kids to cooperate? Ah, that is a bit more tough. Inspiration is a great idea if you are inspired as well. I think we need to examine our motivation and how we view our family. This would mean setting aside some time to discuss this with your spouse. Even if you are a single parent, take some time to prayerfully jot down why family is important and how you can convey the idea of unity without sounding preachy.

Thanks to NOW Programs, this evidence-based program helps students learn differences.

I’m going to focus on two aspects. One is the idea of family and cooperation because you want to be part of a family and work together. The second is consequences: what will happen when there is a failure to follow through on the basic family requirements? What is a “buy-in mentality? How do you inspire your kids to cooperate with your family values, do their school work, and strive for excellence? In this podcast, we’ll discuss the idea of “buy-in” and how important it is to work together as a family.

Inspire Your Kids To Cooperate ~ Episode 535

What is a “buy-in,” and how do you incorporate this idea into your family? It’s really simple. It’s the idea of the importance of being part of a family and basically cooperating with the family ideals. How do you “inspire” your kids to cooperate? Ah, that is a bit more tough. Inspiration is a great idea if you are inspired as well. But I believe we can all get on board with the idea of having a family that works well together. We need to examine our motivation and how we view our family. This would mean setting aside some time to discuss this with your spouse. Even if you are a single parent, take some time to prayerfully jot down why family is important and how you can convey the idea of unity without sounding preachy. The biggest thing to convey to your children is your love for them, and it is difficult to show love when we are constantly correcting our children.

Thanks to NOW Programs, this evidence-based program helps students learn differences.

I’m going to focus on two aspects. One is the idea of family and cooperation because we want our children to understand they are not in this alone. They are part of a family. They enjoy all the benefits of being in a family, love community, support, and care. Being in a family also means working together toward a common goal. For Christians, it is heaven. The second point I want to focus on is the idea of consequences: what will happen when there is a failure to follow through on the basic family requirements? What does cause and effect mean, and how does that factor affect your decisions?

These two parts, cooperation and consequences, work together to create a family dynamic that works.

Inspire Your Kids To Cooperate ~ Cooperation

Cooperation in a family goes along with succeeding and accomplishing. It makes me very happy to accomplish something daily, even if I do not have written goals or a list. It is a feeling of success and self-fulfillment.

This is an adult thing. Adults have many responsibilities that deal with their family, perhaps work, and managing a busy life as a homeschooling mom or dad. How do you encourage your children to feel the same way?

Kids sit back and wait for an adult to tell them what to do; interestingly, my son said something humous that brought this idea home to me. He is twenty-four, a First Lieutenant in the Army, and in charge of about 50 men. Under his command are about eight sergeants and privates under them. He recounted a situation where a private approached him with a serious request. My son answers, “Well, we need an adult for that.” The private said, “You are an adult, sir.” He was joking of course, but what he meant was – I don’t want to handle this and I wish there was someone else to do it for me.

Often, our kids try to get out of doing what they need to do and just want someone else to handle it. In fact, some children go out of their way to be scarce, to act innocent (I didn’t know you meant that), or even worse, feel no guilt for their inaction. Some will take on a passive-aggressive strategy. They can say yes and then fail to follow through, which frustrates parents. How do we explain the importance of taking responsibility for yourself and what you must do as part of your family?

That is the goal, the “buy-in,” the cooperation.

Begin with a plan and an idea about what makes your family special. How often do you sit and have serious conversations with your family? We had family meetings in our family at least four times a year. After the first few times, the children knew that this was a place to list grievances or issues within the family dynamics in general and work on solutions. These convened when things were getting out of hand regarding discipline. Family meetings were called when we felt the children were excessively bickering and when things felt out of control.

In retrospect, this should have been done before this point! I’ve heard of families that have monthly mandatory meetings to check in and see how things are going, share progress and praise reports, and deal with issues that crop up from time to time.

Begin the meeting by calling it a Family Meeting (or whatever you want to call it.) Let your children know that you love them, are there for them, and have their backs. Explain that as a family, each of us is responsible for ourselves and being helpful to each other. That does not mean we take advantage of each other or become frustrated when someone younger needs our help. It does mean that as a family, we work together.

You can explain it like this:

Why do we work together? Because we are a family. In the same way, we go to the park, enjoy ice cream or treats at home, or do something fun. So why can’t we cooperate each day in the same way? No one has to be forced to participate in a party or the fun we have, right?

There are rules for each meeting. No one other than the parents are allowed to talk out of turn; everyone must listen politely, and each person will have a chance to respond if they wish. In addition, no finger-pointing! If we discuss an issue, that means you are involved in some way.

The discussion at these meetings centered on general topics; it was not a time to point out individual shortcomings or problems. For example, if one of your children doesn’t follow through with a chore, address that separately.

Think big picture. These are chronic issues that happen repeatedly. For example, kids leave out toys after playing, or everyone leaves the table without helping, or no one helps to bring in the groceries without being asked. Maybe the children are instigating each other to sin. I explained that fighting, arguing, and acting disrespectfully are sinful. Sin is the absence of doing good. And we don’t want to sin.

My husband and I previously discussed the issues at hand, and then he presented them. We were a united front, and the kids knew we meant business. Disrespect was also discussed at this time. Excessive complaining was not allowed. Some of you listening have the patience of a saint; this was not a trait the Lord blessed me with, and I have worked hard to overcome my hasty decisions. I have a very low tolerance for complaining, saying I’m sorry without meaning it, and saying things are an accident. (Which I address below in the section on consequences.)

Explain that when a family cooperates and gets along, it opens the door for so many opportunities. Ask them to give you examples.

Some of these can be:

1. We can go to the park this afternoon if we finish our chores.
2. Not fighting with each other helps our home be peaceful.
3. Getting along as a family is important because we are here for each other.
4. Let’s be helpful so we can have time for something fun, such as a movie.
5. If we are upset, we can discuss things calmly.

Inspire Your Kids To Cooperate ~ Consequences

As adults, we are naturally required if not motivated to do chores such as grocery shopping or laundry to keep our children fed and clothed. But our kids don’t have the same level of responsibilities, and they often rely on us to orchestrate their every move. This can cause us to become weary, to say the least! In addition, it is frustrating to hound our kids to complete simple chores.

The following solutions are simplistic ideas at best—yet they work!

Consequences.

Many times, the consequences or examples are “in kind.” Rather than a punishment, it is helpful that the consequence be effective. Explain work equity. My husband began this when our oldest two were young, and it is brilliant because it works! He would say his garage needed to be cleaned up. The children were all puzzled by the remark, but he further explained that moving forward, if the children disobeyed or did not complete what they were tasked to do, he would require help in the garage. It was hot and humid out there, and living on acreage, it is often dusty and dirty! Organizing the garage was not a fun job. Or, he would say the weeds needed to be pulled.

Some of these jobs were Saturday morning activities handled by the entire family. Yet, as a consequence, or “work equity,” it would mean the bulk of the work was done by one person. This was a major ordeal, and everyone was warned, yet it happened on rare occasions, and I’m happy to report that it was effective because the offender never had the chore twice. I remember one son saying, “That was horrible, and I’m never going to do that (offense) again because it is so not worth it!” Work equity worked as a deterrent.

One of my very helpful children went to help the person in trouble; we allowed that to happen. It was an act of kindness, and it bonded them as brothers. It came out naturally.

In addition, understanding cause and effect shapes character. What happens if a fragile glass falls on the tile? It will shatter into many pieces. This not only breaks the glass but it creates a mess with consequences; if someone steps on the glass barefoot, it will cause injury.

Explain the idea of consequences to your children. Here are some examples that might be helpful.

Problem 1:

Let’s take laundry, for example. You don’t want a bedroom filled with dirty clothing on the floor, so typically, as a family, you have solutions, such as a laundry basket or somewhere to put soiled clothing. If a child leaves the clothing on the floor, you are most likely making your child go back into the room and pick up their clothing. But let’s say it is chronic. What can you do?

Explain there will be consequences that will require

Solution 1: Consequences that make sense.

1. Ask the child if they know where the dirty laundry goes. If so, have them show you, and while you are watching, have them pick up the dirty clothing.
2. Require the children to help you with the laundry.
3. If the child is older, give the job of doing laundry.
4. Ask the child to pick up toys when it is time to clean up.
5. It requires some other chore that is similar to picking up a mess.
6. Work equity of your choice.

Problem 2 Children Bickering.

This is probably one of the most irritating things a parent must deal with within the family and one thing that can tear families apart. It is my pet peeve, and I handle it differently depending on the child’s age.

Explain that it is sinful to bicker, especially when most situations are petty. At least to adults!

Solution 2:

1. The offending children sit in chairs facing each other to politely work out their differences. They were not allowed to leave unless the solution was mutual.
2. You explain why the situation is untenable (yelling, hitting, etc.) and decide on a punishment. Time out works well, especially if the child is younger. Have the child explain to you why they are being punished and ways to avoid this in the future.
3. Work equity for recurring situations.
4. Work on relationships between the children. Read the Cain and Able scripture account in Genesis, and ask the children why jealousy and evil intent often lead to extreme sin.

I have an entire set of Character planners LINK HERE that can be helpful with scenarios children work out with different character emphasis.

Learning to cooperate is the groundwork needed for success in your child’s future life the topic “succeed” is next.

• Inspire Kids to Listen
• Inspire Kids to Learn
• Inspire Kids to Cooperate (this episode)
• Inspire Kids to Succeed
• Inspire Kids to Empathize
• Inspire Kids ~ Self Esteem

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