A Modern Take On Love, Sex, and Romance - Week 5

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Notes:

When the church is silent on sex, our primary inputs on sex becomes the distortion of culture and the fiction of media.

When our expectations of sex come from fiction and not reality, we end up disappointed and frustrated.

The messiness of real life is no match for the illusion of media.

“Intimacy is key to having a healthy, functional and overall happy relationship.” John Hopkins - Chris Kraft, Ph.D., director of clinical services at the Sex and Gender Clinic

“Our prediction models establish intimacy as the main predictor of sexual satisfaction.”

Your Sexual Medical Journal

Intimacy includes:

● Relational

● Physical

● Emotional

Therefore, to help make your sex life better and more satisfying, focus on the following:

#1 Increase general relationship satisfaction...

…how both partners feel about the relationship overall impacts their feelings of sexual satisfaction as well…

Given that, spending some time improving your relationship in other areas can benefit you in the bedroom.

Psychology Today

Don’t weaponize scriptures or sex to manipulate and guilt another for self-gratification.

Relational: Without intentionality and boundaries, we can give all our time and energy away and leave nothing for our spouses.

Planned For – Say, No

“In terms of how their sex life could be improved, people say they're looking for more love and romance, more quality time alone with their partner, more fun, and less stress.”

Verywell Mind

“There is strong evidence to suggest that relationship factors and dynamics contribute to a large portion of the overall variance in sexual satisfaction scores”

University of Texas

Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”…

…Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean.”

John 13:8 & 9-10

Physical

Orgasm gap (90% men & 48% female)

Regularity (snack, meal, feast)

Communication

“…only 28% of women can have an orgasm from penetrative sex alone.

“For a lot of women, they need direct clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm.”…

…“Women have the same kind of erectile tissues as men, but all on the inside, woman need a lot of time for that stuff to come into play…After 15 to 20 minutes of foreplay,”

ABC.net - 9/17

Gigi Engle is a feminist author, certified sex coach, sexologist, and sex educator.

Gigi was nominated for a WEGO Health Award for her science-first sex, women's health, and relationships content.

"More than half of women reported they had wanted to communicate with a partner regarding sex but decided not to; the most common reasons were not wanting to hurt a partner’s feelings…”

Verywell Mind

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs…

…The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

1st Corinthians 7:3-5

Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer.

1st Corinthians 7:3-5

Emotional

Intimacy requires feeling valued!

(Female & Male)

Females & Males generally feel valued differently

It’s different for me (fair feeling/unfair excuse)

Female:

Being “for me” outside the bed confirms you’re for me in the bed.

Male:

Being “for me” in the bed confirms you’re for me outside the bed.

“Interestingly, both men and women rate sex with love feelings as more sexually satisfying on average.”…

…”While sexual desire may not be as intense as a couple moves into the attraction stage, having more meaningful sex (and dopamine-charged) becomes much more satisfying.” PsychCentral: Dr. Nicole Prause

Sharing chores is the third-highest factor in successful marriages — behind fidelity and a happy sex life.

University of Chicago

“Committed relationships make women almost twice as likely to climax” Women’s Health

University of Chicago study

Marriage is to be honored by all, and husbands and wives must be faithful to each other.

Hebrews 3:4

A healthy marriage with intimate sex requires love, mutuality, selflessness, and God-given boundaries.