Stop Being A Chicken: Ask the Right Questions and Listen to the Answers

Romancipation

S3 Episode 3: Stop Being a Chicken: Ask the Right Questions and Listen to the Answers

Episode Summary

One of the cornerstones of a healthy romantic relationship is clear, open and honest communication. Yet for so many people, asking questions about important things like feelings, intentions, family planning, finances and sexual needs feels difficult, scary and inappropriate. The fact is, the only way you will know if your wants and needs match up with a potential partner or a current partner is by asking them questions and listening to their answers.
It is natural to feel apprehensive about receiving an answer you don’t want to hear, especially if it is from someone you care about. However, the alternative of living in a state of limbo feels uncomfortable and unnecessary. When you don’t know what your partner is thinking, you tend to fill in the blanks. If you happen to be wrong, the relationship can end up in a place where both of you are unhappy and dissatisfied.
Uncovering information and intentions from a partner takes skill, patience and a willingness to listen. Moreover, you need to give your partner time to answer questions and accept that their answer may not be what you expected or desired. You would rather know the truth and make an informed decision about your future than stay in the dark.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a partner gives their mate the silent treatment.

Show Notes

The quality of communication you have in your relationship is an indicator of what your relationship will be able to overcome. One aspect of healthy communication is being able to ask the right questions. If you’re afraid to ask a question or make a statement about something you want your partner to know, it’s a red flag.
Being afraid signals that you may be afraid of the answer, or it may mean you’re avoiding frustration. Healthy communication is communication without fear. Some people tend to ask questions in a generalized way to avoid directly expressing what they want to.
When you are asking the important questions, you have to be willing to go deep. For example, imagine the discussion of kids. Knowing whether or not they want to have kids is just the beginning. Do they want to have kids with you? When do they want to have kids? You have to ask the questions you really want the answers to.
Asking the right questions is crucial, but so is listening to the answer. You can’t just accept what you want to hear. Give the person time to think about their answer and truly listen to what they say and the way they say it. Having intentional and specific conversations is necessary for big things and little things in your relationship.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner gives you the silent treatment. It's manipulative and immature behavior. It creates a hostile environment in the relationship. It’s a flat-out refusal to discuss the underlying issue, so nothing gets resolved.
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