The Benefit of Yisurin

Living Emunah By Rabbi David Ashear

Every little inconvenience that a person experiences, even something as small as putting on his shirt the wrong way, is considered yisurin and does wonders for a person's future life. The Shomer Emunim writes in perek 9 in his maamar on Hashgacha Pratit that any pain endured because of another person is worth infinitely more and this includes one's own immediate family. If someone has a child that causes him anguish, that is considered tremendous yisurin , but it doesn't have to be so extreme. Even if a child acts disrespectfully on occasion or the child doesn't listen to something his parent tells him to do, that's considered yisurin brought about by another individual. A parent who is having difficulty in raising his children should take comfort in the knowledge that every little bit of stress or pain that his child is causing him is considered very big yisurin . If a parent has a problem child or a child that needs special care that occupies hours upon hours a day of the parent's time, that is considered an extremely great amount of yisurin . Of course, the parent should be praying to Hashem for help and doing whatever is necessary to take care of the child properly, but so long as the issues continue, the parent should accept his situation with love. In order for any yisurin to do its complete job, it must be accepted with love, rather than with complaint. The person doesn't have to be happy with a problem child, but he has to believe that it was sent by Hashem and his job is to do the best he can with patience and love. The Shomer Emunim writes further, pain which comes from a spouse is definitely considered a high level of yisurin . Everyone should work on having the proper middot , but if a spouse yells or does something to hurt the other spouse, it's very painful, and at least it is counted towards the yisurin and kapara that the person needs in this world. The Gemara in Arachin says, if someone has a wife that is evil to him, it brings about so much kapara that he will never have to see the face of Gehinom . If someone is, chas v'shalom, in an abusive marriage, they are obligated to solve the issues going forward, but whatever they had to endure up until this point, as well as during the process of solving the issues, is considered a great amount of yisurin . The Baal Shem Tov revealed how precisely Hashem calculates how much pain will come from a child or even a spouse. It all depends on the purpose that each person came into this world to fulfill. It's all calculated to perfection( although the person inflicting the pain is fully held accountable for his actions ). If another person makes us wait, that's yisurin . If we are in a rush to get somewhere and someone makes us wait, that's considered very big yisurin . We must believe that the person making us wait is a messenger of Hashem for our best and immediately thank Hashem for every second we have to wait. If a person ruins our food by overcooking it or ruins our clothing by shrinking it, we should immediately understand it was the hand of Hashem and thank Him for giving us the exact yisurin that we need. Every difficulty in this world is calculated. Nobody ever experiences pain that is not meant for him. It is true that people are fully held accountable for their actions and they must be extremely careful not to hurt others, especially their own family members. But as the Chovot HaLevavot teaches us, nobody can be affected by another individual unless Hashem wills it for them. And if they do get affected, the best immediate response is always to accept what happened with love from Hashem and then try to solve the issues going forward.