Zero Doinks Podcasts

Could Week 18 have gone any better? Bears end up with the #1 pick of the 2023 draft thanks to Lovie Smith's Texans stunning win over Indy. The Packers lose a shocker at home to Detroit to knock them out of the playoffs, while the Lions have to watch Seattle sneak into the number one seed thanks to a tiebreaker. The regular season is over, thank the…

One (pointless?) game to go this weekend against the Vikings. To play Fields or to sit him out, that's one of the questions on our mind. We don't really acknowledge the Lions game because who cares. We, along with Bears Nation, are huge Lovie Smith fans this weekend as the Texans can gift wrap the top pick to Chicago, assuming the Bears don't light…

After a loss to Josh Allen and the Bills, coupled with a Lovie Smith Texans W, with two games left the Bears are half a game out of a shot at the number one pick in the 2023 NFL draft. First, Dan Campbell and his considerable body awaits JF1 and the hapless Bears. We'll chat about things, including Pinocchio (again), our declining numbers in India,…

Justin Fields more than held his own against the 13-1 Philadelphia Eagles, throwing to a WR group who should probably not be in the league. He is and always has been the chosen one. Is there a button to sim to the end of the season? We'd like to press it. Alas, Josh Allen is coming to town on Christmas Eve to shove all sorts of things into and arou…

The boys are well-rested after a bye week and they only have a few words to say about the latest Bears-Packers game. Dan flip flops for the first time regarding how the 2023 NFL Draft board is shaping up, which is shocking as a "not a big mock draft" guy. Jalen Hurts and the Eagles visit this weekend which gives us all a glimpse as to what Justin F…

Lots of surprises this episode as the boys do a little reversal of roles from time to time. Did the Jets game really happen? One of the boys might need to game explained to him, we shall see. Aaron Rodgers seems to be being chased out of GB by Packers' fans - will this be the last time he suits up at Soldier Field? Feel like we asked that same ques…

Welp, the homecoming to Georgia didn't quite go as planned for Justin Fields as he left with another loss and a painful left shoulder. Will he play this week? This year? Should he? Are we going to watch Bears-Jets if he isn't playing? So many questions this episode, including "Does Zero Doinks have a Wikipedia page and if not, why not?" The highlig…

Justin Fields was magic again last week versus Detroit but he can't play defense or special teams for the boys. Who really cares (besides Dan Wiederer), though, as this year continues to be about JF1's development, yes? Dan walks us through the streets of Atlanta which await a homecoming for native Georgian Justin Fields. Rick Feelsmen and Greaseta…

Dan Doinks was in the house for JF1's ridiculous game against Miami. We promised to wait until the Jets game to announce whether we were all in or not - is it time? I think it might be time. Dan Campbell and his beautiful face come to town this week as the Bears try to get in the win column for the first time in awhile. But that's not the point, is…

The NFL's annual swap meat saw the Bears being active, shipping Roquan out and the man Canadians call "Mapletron" in, along with some additional draft capital and a LB no one has heard of. Will Claypool be helpful or does he seem odd? Was it the right move to trade Ro? Plus a quick look at our thoughts on how JF1 looked against Dallas + Dan Doinks …

The 2022 Chicago Bears are the greatest football team anyone has ever laid eyes on. Matt Eberflus is better than Bill Belichick. Justin Fields has turned a corner and will be leading the Bears to glory even earlier than originally thought. The boys (one of whom was oddly not stationary during most of this episode) still can't believe what happened …

We're as sick of thinking about Bears-Commanders as you are hearing about it so we keep it brief, outside of bringing you deeeeep inside our tailgate. Monday night football looms and a visit to New England may remind us all of how far we have to go to be relevant in the NFL once again. Dan talks Bill out of pivoting to an all-Illini podcast as the …

What is wrong with the local Bears media? Bill Doinks falls into the trap of their odd takes after Justin Fields looked pretty good against the 4-1 Vikings. The Bears may have fallen short against Minny but that's not really the point this year, right? Washington comes to town on a short week and the boys will be live in the flesh at Soldier Field …

Let's shake off that Giants game and move onto the weird purple humans up north, shall we? We bring back an old purple friend a few times for this one, coincidentally, and talk about mostly non-Bears stuff this episode if we're being honest. Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank Frank contribute their brilliance again this episode and Dan makes Bill laugh s…

We have no idea how this video thing works but we're giving it a whirl. I mean, we've heard of cameras but this is our Zero Doinks debut. Do you need to watch it on a particular app? No idea! Should we upload it to Youtube? Yeah we probably should! Anywho, Bears fall to 2-2 and we briefly discuss what most disgusts us about today's effort against t…

For what feels like the 10th straight year, the Bears play the Giants, this time in beautiful New Jersey. We'll get you all riled up about the big game as we still feel amazing about our 2-1 Bears and are still covered in Justin Fields optimism. We'll give you all the hottest fantasy picks, Rick Feelsmen will grace the show with his best bets of th…

The Bears are 2-1 and there's absolutely no red flags to concern ourselves with whatsoever. This might be the greatest rushing offense the league has ever seen in the history of pigskin. We definitely did not pick a specific game in which we are deciding the fate of Justin Fields as Bears QB, no, absolutely we did not do that around minute 14 or so…

Stop me if you've heard this one before - the Bears went into Green Bay for a nationally-televised night game and they left with a loss, giving their fanbase an uneasy feeling and continued inferiority complex. The boys won't dwell on Sunday night's thrashing too much as it's Texans week which means the return of a bearded Lovie Smith. So much Pino…

The undefeated Chicago Bears head to Green Bay this Sunday night in front of a crowd of mostly ugly people and we can't wait to get into it. Will Coach Flus ever lose? Will Aaron Rodgers be wasted out of his gourd? How often does Matt LeFleur get his hair cut? I think it's time for the Bears to take the North and never give it back, don't you? Plus…

The boys of Zero Doinks needed to immediately talk about the incredible Week 1 upset by our beloved Bears over the seven point favorite San Francisco 49ers. 16 wins away from perfection. Enjoy this bonus reaction episode. Bearssssss. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/zerodoinks/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/zerodoinks/…

Finally, real football is here, and Dan & Bill Doinks are here to get weird with it. Are the boys still glowing from JF1's preseason performance against Cleveland? Any hot thoughts about the final 53 or depth chart? Sweaty Ted is retiring, hallelujah! So much hot content this ep, including the return of both Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank Frank. 0:00…

The boys wrap up their preseason slate of episodes with the return of Dan Doinks from Hawaii. How tan do we think his unmentionables are? Still pretty paste-y? Anywho, the Seahawks were no match for the Bears in preseason game two as they remain on top of the NFC North for a second-consecutive week. What are our feelings on Roquan ending his "hold-…

With Dan floating from Hawaiian isle to isle, it's the beautiful and talented Darren from Dublin taking his considerable seat this week, though you'll hear a splash of a sun-soaked Dan Doinks from time to time. We re-visit the Bears hot hot hot preseason debut versus the Chiefs. Which players stood out? Why did Eberflus look a little awkward on the…

The boys of Zero Doinks cannot believe the preseason hath arrived. It's August, it's football season, and wow does that make this podcast extraordinarily randy. Matt Nagy is soon to return to Soldier Field as a Chiefs assistant coach. Can't imagine his welcome will be warm. Plus camp is a week in - what are our expert observations based solely off …

The ladies of Zero Doinks are back as Jordan and Kristen Doinks return to the show for the first time since 2020. Hubba hubba. Seems like a perfect time for some Chicago Bears Hot or Not with these two foul-mouthed pirates, wouldn't you say? We think you're going to enjoy this. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/zerodoinks/messageSuppor…

Eberflus is a bad boy, but will his roster's lack of overall talent be giving him a spanking come December? We talk about Flus's first experience with the squad, including one missed OTA practice, or what the Tribune's beat reporters describe as a "misstep by the regime." We also try to balance realism about the 2022 Bears while not trying to be to…

Memorial Day weekend certainly should be used to honor the brave souls who made the ultimate sacrifice for our country, that is an absolute given. It is also a perfect time to prep the loyal listeners of Zero Doinks for what is traditionally the biggest weekend in autosports. Grease Tank is the guy for the job, as always, and Rick Feelsmen might be…

The newly-adopted official Premier League team of Zero Doinks, Everton, is on the brink of relegation. A huge matchup with Crystal Palace is happening and Zero Doinks is (kind of) on the scene to see what the Toffee's fate will be. Special guests Rick Feelsmen, Mike from England + Darren from Dublin join Bill and Dan Doinks to see if Everton fans w…

The 2022 schedule is out and things are red hot in Dan's trousers. We take a look at how the Bears will run through this year's slate and highlight some dates that tickle our fancy. Plus Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks is back for another rousing update from Greasetank Frank (RIP to Rick who is vacationing without his thumbs). A few other surprises, per usu…

King Poles sat on his drafting throne for the first time as Chicago Bears GM extraordinare and who did he find? Eleven new players plus an ungodly amount of undrafted free agents. With their seconds of research, the boys of Zero Doinks react to all of the new Bears as only they can. Plenty of special guests this episode, including the incomparable …

If there was any doubt Ryan Poles was going to start slow, the trading of Khalil Mack and additional cutting of three bloated contracts shows otherwise. Welcome to the kick off show for Season 4 of Zero Doinks. We can't believe we haven't been imprisoned yet so consider everyone lucky I suppose. We'll discuss the quick start to free agency for Pole…

The boys get together in person for the season finale of Zero Doinks's third year. Time flies when you're making jokes about Garfield's lasagna and John Wayne Gacy. From Ballydoyle's in Aurora comes Bill + Dan plus special guests galore as a new era of Bears football is soon on the horizon. No better way to end a season of Zero Doinks but with some…

Black Monday struck hard at Halas Hall as not only was Chicago HC Matt Nagy canned, the seven-year reign of GM Ryan Pace was also deleted like a rack of Hamm's. Yet, somehow, Ted Phillips remains a trusted soldier of the McCaskey family despite years of uselessness. The boys of Zero Doinks talk all about their Bears feelings and discuss possible ta…

The season is, mercifully, nearly over, and the Bears have put themselves in position to tie for second in the NFC North with a Week 18 win at Minnesota. But who cares, they're 6-10, and the only good news is there are a few teams more dreadful than them, including the New York Giants. Wow, they are terrible. Reports of Matt Nagy's imminent demise …

Who thought they'd have the opportunity to see BDN lead the Bears to a victory in 2021? Not Dan and Bill Doinks, that's for sure. Not sure what that says about the Seahawks to be honest but hey, who cares. Nothing changes about the future of this squad, though, as we are two weeks from (hopefully) major changes. 0:00 - 01:23 - Intro 01:23 - 02:17 -…

What a shocker, Matt Nagy was fully in charge and the Bears lost. Somehow Chicago manages to lose despite giving up less than 100 yards passing to Kirk Cousins and the Minnesota Vikings. This is so sad. Celebrity journo Brad Swiggs pays the boys a visit this week plus tons more, including Rick Feelsmen and his hot pick(s) and who knows what else. M…

The Packers beat the Bears for like the 900th time out of the last 969 games. Who cares, why is Matt Nagy still the coach. Can we just fast forward to 2022. JF1 was back so that was fun at times. Still too many rookie mistakes but hey, he gives Chicago reason for hope. We go off the rails a few times this episode so if you're looking for hard-hitti…

We'll be honest, we don't spend much of this episode talking about the Cardinals-Bears game. Nor do we do a deep dive into Bears-Packers. So what do we spend over two hours talking about? Welp, I hope your name isn't Brad Biggs because you might be in the crosshairs juuuuust a bit. Plus lots of other stuff, including a B1G team in the football play…

For all of you, like us, who sat through that wretched Thanksgiving Bears-Lions game, may we be rewarded in the afterlife. Cairo Santos kicks a game-winner, Andy Dalton was given a silver football (and seemed way too excited about it) and rumors continue to swirl around Matt Nagy's job status. Just end it all, okay? The top NFC team cruises into So…

One can only hope by the time you are listening to this episode that Ted Phillips, Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy have all resigned out of shame. Or someone found incriminating photos of all three of them at a local farm. It's long past time to burn it all down. Dan Doinks was on the scene as the Bears lose to a Lamar Jackson-less Baltimore Ravens squad. …

After a relaxing bye week for us Bears fans, JF1 and the lads prep for a return to Soldier Field as Lamar Jackson and the Ravens will be coming to town. The boys will give you their hot hot fantasy and gambling picks (as will resident sharp and shark, Rick Feelsmen). Plus the long-awaited return of Gray Balls as Coach Cuse has put together quite th…

Chicago's comeback attempt falls short on Monday Night Football as the Bears lose to Big Ben's grey penis in Pittsburgh. We'll talk all about JF1's continued ascension toward greatness, and Matt Nagy's latest example of why he should be facing an obvious firing, as the Bears head into their bye week. Plus of course we'll talk about Jordan Love's de…

Matt Nagy sits this one out but another loss hits the column nonetheless as Jimmy G and the 49ers roll all over Chicago's defense on Halloween afternoon. At least Justin Fields looked pretty sweet, right? That's really all this season is about, let's be honest, especially with the trade deadline looming and a GM and coach whose jobs should be just …

The Bears fell to under .500 at the vengeful hands of Tom Brady and his 600+ career TDs. Under Matt Nagy, this Bears outfit had no chance to hang with the defending champs, which feels like a bit of a problem. What next for bewildered rookie QB Justin Fields and his teammates? San Fran stumbles into town this weekend for what feels like an absolute…

Aaron Rodgers might own the Bears but he does not own Zero Doinks. We will talk all about the Bears having now lost 10 out of 11 to Green Bay as well as Rodgers's message for all of Soldier Field. Dan Doinks was in the flesh to witness yet another loss to the Packers and frankly this is all too familiar of a feeling, wake us up when both Rodgers an…

JF1 is the starter now and the rest of the league is on notice. Justin Fields and the Bears have won two straight after a W in Las Vegas against racist (and now fired) Jon Gruden and the Raiders, led by trash panda owner Mark Davis. We will give you the ins and outs of the Bears win as well as the reintroduction of Justin Fields is Gold now that he…

Your favorite Zero Doinks contributors were on site during yesterday's Bears-Lions game and the boys will recap a long and boozy day at Soldier Field. With Justin Fields notching his first W as a starting NFL quarterback, head coach Matt Nagy had to allow his ego to enter the story after it was revealed that Bill Lazor was the brains behind the Bea…

In a lifetime of bad Bears losses, Sunday at Cleveland might take the cake. You know what happened. One net passing yard. No touchdowns. No in-game adjustments by offensive genius Matt Nagy. JF1's starting debut could not have gone much worse. We talk all about that horrific Sunday and look forward to Chicago's return home to Soldier Field against …

There is literally no chance Andy Dalton will ever see the field again after limping off into the ether during the second quarter of Week 2 against Cincinnati. It is a new era, a time for change and a time for hope. It is the era of Justin Fields and the rest of the NFL shall bear witness as the Chicago Bears are about to reward their fans for deca…

Sunday night football on NBC exposed a few Bears issues to a national audience, wouldn't you say? The defense was poor, the offense was dinky and dunky and the result was a 20 point loss in Los Angeles. We look at all that happened against the Rams while turning our attention to the home opener against 1-0 Cincinnati as Dan Doinks will be attending…