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The Psychology of your 20s

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A podcast that explains how everything is psychology. Even your 20s. Hosted by Jemma Sbeg, each Tuesday and Friday we deep dive into the science and psychology behind a topic, concept or universal experience that defines our 20s - from dating, to mental health, career anxiety, friendship, finances and all the growing pains associated with this decade. Listen now. For business enquires please email psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com New merchandise here: https://the-psychology-of-your-20s.myshopif ...
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There is a lot of terrible news out there, so much so that we could spend every hour of every day reading it and still not be done. What's worse is that we can now access that news at any time, any where, any place from our phones and this has lead to a phenomena known as doomscrolling. Doomscrolling may feel comforting, but it leads to more existe…
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The best things in life aren't always the easiest and it's often this exertion and extra effort that holds us back from diving in or fully committing. Whether it's a new routine, an ambitious study schedule or workout plan, knowing how we can use psychology and neuroscience to make hard tasks easier is incredibly valuable. In today's episode we dis…
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Friendships are hard. Add in distance and they can get even harder at times. But long distance friendships seem like a fact of life in our 20s as people scatter for school, work, travel, and just because they want to. Whilst it's said that some 50% of these relationships fail, I want to give you the tools to help your long distance friendships succ…
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Public speaking is one of our biggest fears as a species - some 75% of us list public speaking as our biggest and greatest fear. In today's episode, I want to discuss why that is and where this fear stems from, socially, psychologically and evolutionary, but also how we can transform our attitude to public speaking and excel, including tips based i…
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Solo travelling is something that we romanticise a lot in our 20s and is a big thing on many of our bucket lists. It can be such a transformative experience, it allows you to listen to your intuition better, explore the places you've always dreamed about without waiting for others and builds a unique kind of confidence. In today's episode, we break…
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A lot of us try to convince ourselves we can be friends with our ex in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, but is that necesserily the best idea? In 2022 I did an episode with my ex-boyfriend talking about how a friendship was totally possible, well since then it is obvious to say that I have changed my mind, and in this episode I give my reasons…
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Many of us have been facing increasing levels of political anxiety in the past days and weeks. It seems that the world has never been more divisive and polarised and there is a lot that we are uncertain and fearful of. In today’s episode we talk about how we can acknowledge that the future feels scary, but still find an internal sense of safety and…
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We all know the stereotypes about the eldest child, the youngest and the only child, but the middle child often seems to be left out, and not just from our conversations on birth order theory, but also seemingly from the family sometimes. In today's episode, we putting a spotlight on the middle children, including how their position in the family m…
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The idea of a 'soft life' originated from a group of Nigerian influencers who chose the term to describe a way of living that was comfortable, joyful, minimised stress whilst prioritised self care and simple beauty, in comparison to hustle culture, burnout and urgency. In today's episode we are going to go through 5 practical tips to make this gent…
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Your hobbies may be just as important as your friendships in your 20s. But whilst you may dedicate 10-15 hours a week to your friends, most of us can go a week or two without actually performing our hobbies. Why is that, and what is the consequence?In today's episode we break down the psychology of why our hobbies are so important, including: The d…
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Daydreaming can be a perfectly normal part of life - zoning out in the shower, before we fall asleep, on the train to work. But some of us cross over into dangerous territory or what we call maladaptive daydreaming where we can't pull ourselves away from the fantasy. We feel disconnected and it makes our real life feel so much less bright and enjoy…
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Sometimes the loudest critic, our biggest hater is not someone we know, it is ourselves. We are the ones who are the first to judge ourselves, to shut ourselves and our ambitions down, to say the nastiest things. In today's episode we break down why we are our own worst critic, including: How we learn self criticism in childhood The evolutionary co…
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In our 20s it can feel like a mad rush to find the one. If you are single and dating, you know the experience of going on what seems like dozens of dates only to be disappointed and, at the end of the day, exhausted and yet you still haven't found someone. In this episode, we discuss why that is including: The signs your experiencing dating burnout…
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At some stage in our 20s, all of us will experience what I call 'The Loneliest Chapter' - a period where we feel detached, disconnected and isolated. Whilst this experience can feel terrible and make us question our relationships, friendships and selves, it's an important rite of passage and actually ends up teaching us a lot. In today's episode we…
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What is the cost of caring too much for others? Always being the person to fix everyone's problems? Never needing anyone, but secretly loving that everyone else relies on you? Well, it turns out it can cost you and your relationships a lot, and may also be a sign of high functioning codependency. High functioning codependency is much more common am…
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Shame follows us everywhere. So many of us are bound by shame about our past, our mistakes, our identity, our looks, our decisions and choices. This can make living a meaningful and fulfilling life incredibly difficult when you have your own personal, shame bully following you everywhere. In todays episode we learn: How shame gets implanted in us T…
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At some stage in our 20s we'll have to make a life changing decision where the right choice is not at all clear: stay or leave my job, the country, my relationships? We can become paralysed in that moment, unable to take a step forward, not realising that doing nothing is, in itself, a decision. In today's episode we break down: Why we struggle to …
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The right person at the wrong time might be one of the saddest kinds of love stories we come across. This person may be perfect for us, our dream partner, but factors like distance, life, obligations, emotional readiness get in the way and mean that we can't be together. Despite knowing we can't be together, we can't let go and pine after this pers…
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Let's talk about what's been going on with my mental health recently and what's changed. This is a rather vulnerable episode so please check in with yourself before listening. Lifeline (AUS): 13 11 14 National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US): 988 Samaritans (UK): 116 123 Mental health resources (worldwide): https://www.helpguide.org/find-help Foll…
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Work makes up a large component of our lives. It's estimated that 1/3 of our waking lives will be spent working, so when that environment is toxic or harmful, it takes it's toll. Especially in our 20s, a toxic workplace can be quite a negative, formative experience and leave us with poor confidence, imposter syndrome and chronic burnout. In today's…
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When someone criticises us we naturally feel on edge and defensive. This is because criticism threatens our ego and our sense of self and so we have a very emotional reaction. But that doesn't have to be the case. In today's episode, we break down: What makes us so sensitive to criticism Hypercritical parenting and an aversion to feedback Rejection…
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If nothing else, our 20s are a time for reinvention and transformation. We become clearer and clearer about the version of us we want to be, and hopefully more confident around expressing our authentic elves, but sometimes this is interrupted by periods of boredom, stagnation, isolation and discomfort. These are all signs that something in our live…
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Flirting! Usually thought of as something used to express romantic or physical interest may actually be the secret to unlocking more connections than you can ever imagine: platonic and romantic. In today's episode we break down the psychology of flirting, including how to gain confidence in your flirting ability, the flirt languages or styles, why …
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We all get anxious at times, but what we forget in those moments is that anxiety is just there to protect us, it's trying to do its job, and the more we lean in and play along, the more we start to feel in control again. In today's episode, we break down the four ways I've made my anxiety work for me, including: Turning anxiety into excitement The …
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Limerance - the state of having undeniable feelings for someone who does not feel the same way - feels so much like love but can be so confusing, because deep down we know this person is probably not the one. Despite that we find it impossible to move on, impossible to disconnect or detach despite our best efforts because our affections for this pe…
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Our attention is constantly being pulled in every direction: we're thinking about the past, overthinking the future, getting notifications from our phones, information from our environment. When was the last time you truly slowed down and enjoyed the present? When was the last time you savoured the moment like you do a nice meal, or a sleep in? Tod…
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Money is as much psychological and emotional as it is a physical resource. For that reason, sometimes money and our mental health don't always mix. Many people think that we only experience financial anxiety or financial stress when we are struggling with money, but it turns out that it's a lot more complicated than that. In today's episode, we bre…
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Our fear of being perceived is more than just social anxiety, its a real phobia around being scrutinised, observed and primarily judged by others. It's also greatly limiting your potential and ability to be your true self. But there is a way through, there is a way to escape the constant fixation on what others are thinking about you. In today's ep…
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Loving someone who struggles with their mental health can be devastating. You want to do all you can to help, but no one has ever taught you how or what exactly you should say, how you can help, the right questions to ask. In today's episode we break down the biggest pieces of advice I have for people who are supporting someone they love with their…
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In today's episode we break down the controversy but also the beauty of female friendship - why exactly are they so difficult? Or is that all a myth? It turns out what makes female friendships sometimes so difficult is also what makes them so rewarding - the intensity, the level of disclosure, the expectations, the bond! We also discuss how society…
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The life of the highly sensitive person is often misunderstood. Highly sensitive aren't just people who cry too much or get overwhelmed, take things too personally: they actually take in so much of the world that it can be too much. They feel everything, from joy to sadness, so immediately and profoundly. They are also so in tune with the emotions …
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This episode might be the wakeup call we all need that our traditional notions of success aren't working. We have been conditioned to see success as individualistic, full of sacrifice, centred around discipline, productivity and all about image and looking impressive. Actually, success is a lot more nuanced. Some of the most successful people in th…
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All of us find ourselves remincising on the 'good old days' every now and then, but sometimes we can find ourselves getting trapped in the memories of the past and feeling like it will never be as good as it was. This is the nostalgia trap and it can keep us from being present, from enjoying our current season, or making new memories, it can also l…
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Journalling is seen as one of the holy grails when it comes to trying to improve your mental health and emotional wellbeing, but what about it is so great? The people who love it, absolutely swear by it, but where do we even begin? How can we make it less like a chore, and more joyous? In today's episode, we break down the psychology and fundamenta…
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Our fear of being alone forever and never finding the right one is scary, but it's also pretty natural. Whether you have never dated before, or are worried that you have missed your chance for true, long term love, it can be hard to imagine ourselves finding the right person without getting really caught up in the dating process. Today, let's talk …
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One of the biggest questions we seem to encounter in our 20s and beyond is: what is my calling? What is my purpose, my mission, my passion? So many of us are left feeling panicked and like we are wasting time looking for the answer. Shouldn't this be obvious? Shouldn't I know by now? Actually, finding your purpose is not as simple as it looks, but …
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Resentment is sometimes labelled as an ugly or bad emotion, something that is derived from a sense of entitlement. In actuality, resentment is a really useful emotion, it serves as an emotional alarm, it teaches us what we value, and it can help us understand our own expectations and sense of self worth even more. Despite that, when we don't manage…
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Survival mode is, at its core, a stress response. When our minds and our bodies are put under extreme stress or believe we are in danger, we can enter a state where all we care about is getting through the next day. This can turn us into a person we're not and make us lose the enjoyment and love for life, but also feel overwhelmed by constant panic…
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We all want long lasting, passionate, meaningful love and in our 20s it can hard to figure out exactly how to find that. With so many 'rules' around what to do, pacing, when to become exclusive, when to say 'I love you', when to move in together, it seems the secret is to go slow and build emotional intimacy. In other words, embrace the power of th…
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Is the secret to a happier, less stressful, more connected life actually play? A lot of the research is telling us so! As we get older sometimes we lose a bit of our joy, awe and wonder, and the time we have for our friendships becomes more restricted by work, obligations, distance, commitment and seriousness. In today's episode, let's talk about w…
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Our self doubts are what is keeping us in our own way. It is the foundation for our inner critic to tell us: you're not good enough, you're not talented enough, intelligent beautiful, hardworking to have the life and success you want. When we let our self doubts take control, it often means that we end up self handicapping or sabotaging before we g…
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Today on the podcast we are talking about toxic positivity and the problem with always being positive and putting a fluffy, warm, positive spin on things. Often our unrealistic optimism comes from a good place and our desire to be happy all the time but any person knows that isn't always possible. We break down: The reason we gravitate towards toxi…
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We all know what red flags are, they tend to be universal at any age, but there are some redflags that are specific to our 20s, certain features of a relationship during this decade to look out for even if they don't look concerning at first. On today's episode we talk about the five biggest red flags for relationships in our 20s, including: Relati…
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The period after graduation can be really difficult, filled with emotions like grief, anxiety, worry about the future, loneliness and nostalgia as we leave the structure and comfort of college and university for the big, confusing real world. In today's episode we break down the psychology of the post-graduation blues, including: What defines this …
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Very few of us ever receive an education on coping. We are taught bad things happen, we are taught pointless math equations, we are taught to grin and bear it, but not effective psychological ways of integrating stressful, painful, frustrating experiences. In this episode, we break down the psychology of coping mechanisms, including: Problem focuse…
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Conversations seem like they should be the easiest thing in the world, but we all know that sometimes that is not the case! Mental distractions, running out of things to talk about, feeling a bit off, all some of the roadblocks we face. In today's episode we break down FIVE tips to have better conversations: The 2:1 question ratio The fast friends …
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Love bombing has been a hot topic as of recent, but what does it ACTUALLY mean or entail? In today's episode we are breaking down all of the psychology of love bombing, including: The cultish origin of love bombing The three stages of love bombing Why people love bomb? The interaction between narcissism and love bombing Intensity addiction and love…
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Since the beginning of this show I've been super open about my mental health so I thought I'd share an update (the bad, the good and the really good). Let's normalise talking openly and honestly about what we're going through even when its not pretty or aesthetic. Thank you for all the support! Mental Health support in your area: https://www.beyond…
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The thought of having children in our 20s feels like an incredibly adult decision, and is one a lot of us probably don't consider. We want to protect our youth and our freedom a little bit longer, or perhaps have decided we probably will never want children. But whether you want to have children or not, having a clear understanding of your future i…
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Struggling with our self worth can often impact how deserving we feel of love. This sense that we may be 'unloveable' causes us to miss out on healthy, fulfilling relationships, self sabotage and stay with people who don't deserve us. In today's episode, we discuss: The origins of why we feel unworthy of love Childhood wounds Early romantic scripts…
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