Finding the Right One

Living Emunah By Rabbi David Ashear

There are many singles who are having a very hard time in shidduchim. It is so difficult for girls to watch the days pass by with no prospects in sight. They wait week after week, month after month, and year after year, wondering if they will ever get married. The same is true of a boy who is getting on in years and can't seem to find the right one. It is also so hard for the parents and family members of these individuals to watch their loved ones hurting so much. They wish they could help them, but it's just not working out. It is important for these singles to understand that although they aren't married yet, there is still so much they could accomplish in their current situation. Our main purpose in life is to serve Hashem to the best of our ability in any situation we find ourselves in. We do not take the attitude that "If I'm not married, then nothing else matters." To the contrary, everything else matters. We must use every day of life to its fullest, and that is the determinant of our success in this world. At the same time, we also know that Hashem has already chosen a marriage partner for every single person. The difficulty is just finding them. There can be many factors determining why a person has to wait a long time to get married, but we know prayer and good deeds can always help speed up the process. An act of self-sacrifice carries a tremendous amount of weight in Shamayim. If someone has such an opportunity, he should do his best to capitalize on it. The Be'er HaParasha told a story that happened recently. Two sisters over the age of thirty were still not married. They were the only children in their family, and they were taking care of their father who was ill. Finally, it seemed like the perfect shidduch came along for the younger of the two. Everything was progressing nicely, and they were all looking forward to hearing good news. The day came when they thought the shidduch was going to be finalized. However, when the younger sister came home that day, she looked completely shattered. The older sister asked her what happened. She said the shidduch was broken off because of monetary issues. She told the other side that her father is ill and doesn't have money. She herself had a life savings of a hundred and fifty thousand shekels, but that was not nearly enough for what the other side was anticipating. Of course, we know that money comes from Hashem, and the main focus of a shidduch is the person, not their financial status. Money comes and goes. Many people have had money when they got married and subsequently lost it, and many have gotten married without money and have been blessed ever since. Be it as it may, in this particular case, the shidduch was broken off. The older sister felt so bad for her younger sister. She knew how excited she was to finally get married, and she was not going to let money get in the way. She had five hundred thousand shekels in savings and told her sister she was going to give it all to her. The younger sister refused that most generous offer, but the older sister wouldn't take no for an answer. The younger sister then went and told the other side about the money, and the shidduch was back on. The chatan was so moved by the selfless act of this older sister. He called a friend of his who lived in America to tell him about his engagement, and he also told him about the amazing act of self-sacrifice that his future sister-in-law had made. This friend was blown away. He told a friend of his who was single and about the same age as this girl, about what she did. This friend happened to be very wealthy, and he was also deeply touched by the selfless act. He felt it was worth it for him to fly to Israel to go out with her. Baruch Hashem, that shidduch progressed very quickly, and they got engaged. The wedding of that couple just took place now in the month of Cheshvan. Both of these girls seemed so distant from getting married, and then כהרף עין , both of them found their zivug. Sometimes all we need is one great zechut to be blessed with finding the right one.